Parenting
"Believe,
when you are most unhappy,
that there is something for you to do in
this world. So long as you can sweeten
another's pain, life is not in vain."
Helen
Keller
Parents
of children with an attachment disorder have a very hard task to accomplish.
To bring a child out of this serious illness and guide them into a world
of love is a great responsibility. Although it is difficult, in
many cases, it is possible with the right help.
There
is no quick fix for attachment disorder. It takes a long time for
the child to heal. I know this is hard to hear - it was for me.
I wanted things better yesterday! It takes strength and perseverance
to bring the child to healing. For success you must be willing to
work harder on helping your child than you probably will work on anything
else in your life. The pay off is the rebirth of your child - nothing
can compare to that.
Parents
should not work against each other and allow the child to triangulate
them. It is essential that both parents be on the same team when
guiding their child toward healing.
The
type of parenting that often works with these most difficult of children
is the type that takes them back to redo those early years of love and
bonding that they missed. This time around, their needs will be
met. At the same time, they must learn to accept limits as they
should have in the beginning of their lives. This time they will
learn to accept a loving parents limits.
There
are several books and videos you can purchase and study to help you with
the parenting part of the healing process. Please realize that therapeutic
parenting is an essential part of this process and the parents must become
educated and highly motivated to effect positive change.
A
therapist who specializes in attachment and bonding problems is also a
vital part of the treatment team but parents must be willing to work with
the therapist.
A good therapist will guide you through the
parenting and be able to answer your questions and help you strategize
your day to day living. Parents cannot rely on the therapist to
heal their child. It is a team effort and often mom is the biggest
catalyst for positive change.
Web
Sites and Books
I
believe that it is necessary to research all the different approaches
used to parent these exceptional children.
Nancy
Thomas has a lot of info, great books and videos
made precisely for parenting a child with attachment disorder
Nancy
Thomas Parenting
Deborah
Hage also has great website
with informative articles, books, and more
Deborah Hage
Foster
Cline and Jim Fay offer a
wonderful parenting program called
Love and
Logic
Daniel
Hughes has two good books
out that describe therapeutic parenting.
You can learn about books and learn where to
purchase them through his website at
Daniel Hughes
Martha
Welch's book and video offer parenting ideas.
Martha Welch
Theraplay
figured into our son's healing
process. It was useful for the nurturing
part of the therapeutic parenting.
It helped to recreate the playfulness
that was needed to build a stronger bond.
The Theraplay Institute
Articles
The
following are by Nancy Thomas:
Emotional
Heart Transplant
Liar
Liar Pants on Fire
Strong
Sitting
Consequencing
The
Aftermath of Telling Secrets
The
Power of Prayer in Parenting
The
Steel Box with a Velvet Lining
Wagging
Tails and Kids Who Kill
Why
an Alarm on the Child's Door?
Parenting
a Poorly Attached Child
by Daniel Hughes
Parents
as Partners When Treating Attachment Disorder
by Joanne May
Welcome
to Holland
by Emily Pearl Kingsley - from the ADSG site
The
Longest Ride
by Lynda Gianforte Mansfield - from the ADSG site
Antecedents
to Lying and Teaching the Truth
by Deborah Hage
"Going
To Your Room" Practice
by Deborah Hage
Paradoxical
Techniques
by Deborah
Hage
Children
Behave the Way They Behave
by Deborah
Hage
Going
and Growing through Grief and Loss:
Parenting Traumatized Adopted Children
by Dee A. Paddock
Principles
of Working with Traumatized Children
by Bruce Perry
The
Impact of Abuse and Neglect on the Developing Brain
by
Bruce Perry
Bonding
& Attachment in Maltreated Children
by
Bruce Perry
Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children: How you can help
by
Bruce Perry
Neglect in Childhood
An overview for the general reader
by Bruce Perry
Parenting
by Susan Ward owner of the great site
Older Child Adoption Online
Magazine
Depression
and PTSD in Parents!
The
children often suffer from Depression and Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder. Parents often suffer from Depression, Secondary PTSD and
the grief that comes with the death of their dream child and family.
It is important for you to know the signs of both. Here are some
links to help.
Depression
and the Child with Attachment Disorder
by Beverly White
National
Center for PTSD
PTSD
Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder
in Families with Attachment Disordered Children
Child
Development
I
found a little brush up on child development helped me better understand
the importance of what my son missed.
Attachment as a Context for Development
by Nicola Atwool
The
Adopted Child's Changing View
From CASE
