What is Attachment?

By now, especially if you are an adoptive parent, you've probably heard the term "attachment." It's not a new phenomenon, it's always been here, and always will be. A child is not "attached" or unattached; rather, we are all on an attachment continuum.

This whole notion of attachment can be very puzzling for parents. Just what is it? Why all the fuss about it? And how does one "get" it?

Well, it is actually the process of developing emotional connection between an infant and her mother, which begins prenatally. When an infant is born, she knows her mother's smell and the sound of her voice. This instinctive relationship, which joins them emotionally, develops between the two as their behavioral and physiological systems become attuned to one another.

When a child is placed for adoption, there is an immediate break in this attachment process with the loss of her birthmother. Frequently, when the child is adopted within a few days of birth, the child and her primary caregiver are easily able to develop healthful attachment as the new parent responds consistently to the infant's needs; this provides cues for the instinctual attachment behaviors to become activated in the baby. In addition, as the parent continues to respond to the needs of the baby over time, she begins to realize that she will receive what she needs and that she does have an effect on her world. This lays the foundation for healthy attachment to form.

Other stressors to a young child under the age of three can create interruptions in the attachment process. Some of these include neglect, abandonment, institutionalization, abuse, maternal depression or addiction, too many caregivers (or changes in primary caregivers), and inconsolable pain from an illness. Any child who was adopted is at risk of developing attachment difficulties, primarily due to the loss of her birthmother. When we add in the stressors of the lack of having one primary caregiver, lack of consistent care, and illnesses, we find that Attachment Disorder becomes more prevalent.

The expansion of international adoption has increased the number of children adopted from deprived and poverty-stricken areas of the globe, which in turn has increased the number of children with the probability of developing attachment difficulties and disorders. When a government, such as Korea, or other entity is able to provide foster care for infants waiting for adoptive parents, the incidence of Attachment Disorder decreases sharply. Our children who were lucky enough to be placed in adequate foster care until adoption are often at much less risk due to having the opportunity to attach to their foster mothers as primary caregivers. Fortunately, the majority of our children are not in the disordered area of the attachment continuum.

The reasons we want our children to be healthfully attached to us are that it allows them the quality of life and the happiness that we as parents so much want for our kids. It enables them to have the ability to create good, sound relationships throughout their lives. It provides them with a strong sense of self and their value in the world. Trust, empathy, conscience, independence, intellectual development, impulse control, resilience - all have their roots in being healthfully attached.